"It is what it is"

An expression that I have been using a fair bit of late is "It is what it is". In many ways, it's a get-out clause that stops the conversation dead. Once somebody says it, others shrug and, invariably, the discussion moves on in a different direction.

The problem with "It is what it is" is that the phrase is a metaphor for life and, indeed, the human condition. It's not a case of adding, "if you say so" because its an indisputable fact and not something that is debatable. It means that whatever you're discussing is a foregone conclusion, a reality that nobody can change, it was already there and something, therefore, that shouldn't be discussed any further. It is, for some, a mechanism designed to stop a conversation dead and it implies the ignorance of the person it is directed at. To say "it is what it is" during any conversation is there to make the conversation starter feel in some way at fault, as if they should say, "Oh, I wasn't aware that it was a case of 'it is what it is', I'll shut up, then." And then silence reigns supreme.

"It is what it is" is a metaphor for life because life is life, a non-negotiable fact, it is life, consciousness, 'of the moment' and it's all we know, it's our reality, perhaps akin to another expression, "that's life I guess" which, like 'it is what it is', is a form of acceptance, resignation, giving in, to a reality that is bigger than all of us and one, therefore, that we should stop talking about immediately. It's a phrase that raises its ugly head when all options have been exhausted and there is nothing left to do but admit defeat, accept the situation and move on, something unworthy of further discussion because nothing can be done to change anything, 'it is what it is'.

I have been using the phrase a lot of late and so have those around me. It relates to inevitable scenarios about people who are dying, for example, when all options have supposedly been exhausted or, perhaps, it's a coping mechanism. If you know there's nothing you can do to alter a situation you simply say, 'it is what it is' and perhaps that's a way of feeling better about something. There's nothing that can be done and, therefore, there's no point in me losing any sleep over it. "Oh, okay, 'it is what it is', that's great news, I didn't realise, thanks for telling me, I'll move on and think no more of it."

Some may regard the expression as comforting, others may find it terrifying. The implication that nothing can be done about a predicament might absolve some people from the responsibility of having to deal with it because it's done and dusted, no more can be said or done, but for others, facing reality is nothing short of horrific because that's what the expression is really all about: reality and a lot of us strive to steer clear of reality and facts and science, we can't handle the truth, although, ironically, the truth is all around us all the time.

Perhaps the phrase embodies irresponsibility, claiming that something is irrevocable when, perhaps, it isn't, and yet it trips off the tongue fairly easily for those of an impatient disposition and might be deemed by some as a longer and possibly more polite way of telling somebody to shut up. It is a phrase of acceptance, a phrase that says it's time to move on and let whatever it is play out and reach it's natural (and anticipated) conclusion.

'It is what it is' might be allied to the phrase 'it's not the end of the world', which is another way of telling somebody to shut up or pull themselves together; perhaps it's a precursor to 'it is what it is' along the lines of 'it's not the end of the world, it is what it is, don't worry about it.'

Impatience, not wanting to engage with other people, is prime territory for 'it is what it is', it means 'don't bother me with your problems, it is what it is, I don't want to know'. In fact, if you don't want to engage with other people, arm yourself with 'it is what it is' and back it up with 'it's not the end of the world', both phrases belittling whatever was bothering the other person. In that sense it's about isolationism, keeping yourself to yourself, shutting other people down and getting on with whatever you're doing and that is also the message you're giving to the recipient of 'it is what it is', you're telling them to get on with it, get on with life, stop fretting about something you cannot hope to influence.

I'll leave it there, it is, after all, what it is.